BLONDE JOKES

What do you call a blond with a high I.Q.? 
A golden retriever. 

Why did the blond drive into the ditch? 
Her blinker was on. 

What do you call a bunch of blonds in a Volkswagen? 
Farfromthinkin. 

Did you hear about the blond who broke her leg while raking leaves? 
She fell out of the tree. 

Why don't blonds make ice cubes? 
They keep forgetting the recipe. 

Why are there so many blond jokes? 
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night. 

How do you get a blond to laugh on Friday? 
Tell her a joke on Monday. 

Why does it take blonds so long to make chocolate chip cookies? 
They have to first peel all the M & M's 

Why did they fire the blond from the M & M's factory? 
Because she kept throwing out all the W's. 

Why do blonds work seven days a week? 
So you dont have to retrain them on Mondays. 

Why did the blond stare at the orange juice carton? 
Because it said "concentrate". 

Why couldn't the blond make Koolaid? 
She couldn't fit two quarts of water in the little packet. 

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? 
Just one she holds the bulb in place and waits for the world to revolve around her. 

How do blonde braincells die? 
Alone. 

What do you call a blonde with two braincells? 
Pregnant. 

There were 3 blondes who found a genie. He granted each of them a wish. 
The first wished she was 50% smarter - poof she's a BRUNETTE, the second 
wished she was 25% smarter - poof she's a REDHEAD, the third wished she was 
50% dumber - poof she's a BLONDE MAN. 

Two blonds were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. 

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 
"Is it mine?" 

What is the first thing a blonde says after having sex? 
Are you guys all from the same ship? 

What is the first thing a blonde does after having sex? 
Open the car door 

What do you call 10 blondes in a row? 
A wind tunnel 

What do you cal 10 blondes in a circle? 
A dope ring 

What do you call a blonde who dries her hair brown? 
Artiffical intellegence 

How do you get a blonde on the roof? 
Tell her drinks are on the house. 

Two blondes are walking in the woods when one looks down and says," Look, dog poop" 
The other bends down and smells it," Smells like dog poop" 
They both stick their fingers in it. "Feels like dog poop" 
They taste it "Taste like dog poop" 
One says to the other "Sure glad we didin't step in it." 

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? 
Flattered. 

Why do blondes always die before help arrives? 
They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1". 

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? 
Frosted Flakes. 

What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist? 
You can negotiate with a terrorist. 

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? 
"Oh look! Donut seeds!" 
 

Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? 
To cover up the valve stem. 

What did the blonde name her pet zebra? 
Spot. 
 

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? 
A Space Invader. 

What's a blondes' favorite rock group? 
Air Supply. 

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? 
The back of her head. 

Why do blondes drive VW's? 
Because they can't spell PORSCHE! 
 

Why did God create blondes? 
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. 

Why did the blonde jump over the glass wall? 
To see what was on the other side! 

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? 
Hide-and-go-seek winner from last year 

What is the difference between a male blonde and a female blonde? 
The female blonde has a higher sperm count. 

Why don't blondes eat peanut butter? 
Because they get their heads stuck in the jar.- 

Why do blondes wear underwear? 
To keep their ankles warm. 

How do you kill a blonde? 
Put spikes in her shoulder pads. 

What do blondes and cow pies have in common? 
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. 

Why do blondes like tilt steering? 
More head room. 

What's the mating call of a blonde? 
I think I'm drunk. 

What's the mating call of a brunette? 
Is that damn blonde gone yet? 

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? 
That's where you wash vegetables. 

Why does a blonde have T.G.I.F. written on her shoes? 
Toes go in first. 

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? 
They're empty from the neck up. 

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? 
Pull the pin and throw it back. 

How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? 
Blow in her ear. 

How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle? 
Shine a flashlight in her ear. 

What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt? 
A brain tumor. 

What's the advantage to being married to a blonde? 
You can park in the handicapped zone. 

What does a blonde do first thing in the morning? 
She goes home. 

What do you call a brunette between two blondes? 
An interpreter. 

If a blonde and a brunette both jumped off a building at the same time, who would land first? 
The brunette . . . the blonde would have to stop and ask directions. 

How can you tell when a blonde has been using your computer? 
There's white out on the screen. 

How is a blonde different from a 747? 
Not everyone has been in a 747. 

A smart blonde, dumb blonde and a ghost are on a treasure hunt. Who will find the treasure first? 
The dumb blonde - we all know there's no such thing as smart blondes and a ghost. 

How do you know when a blonde has had a bad day? 
Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she's done with her pencil. 

What's the difference between a blonde and a cheap hooker? 
There's some things a cheap hooker won't do. 

How do you pierce a blonde's ears? 
Put pins in her shoulder pads. 

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 
Five. One to make the batter, four to peel the M&M's 

How do you keep your blonde secretary occupied? 
Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them. 

What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window? 
Refueling. 

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? 
She kept throwing away the W's. 

Why was the blonde so thrilled when she completed the puzzle in six months? 
The side of the box said up to three years. 

Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? 
They're too hard to retrain. 

How does a blonde practice safe sex? 
She locks the car door. 

Why are blonde jokes so simple? 
So that brunettes can understand them. 

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
None . . . they screw in cars. 

Did you hear about the blonde who had an abortion because she didn't know if the baby was hers? 

Why did the blonde have square boobs? 
Have you ever seen a round Kleenex box? 

Why can't blondes fart? 
Because they never stop talking long enough to build up any pressure. 

Why can't blondes use birth control pills? 
They keep falling out. 

What do you call a blonde with an IQ of 50? 
Gifted. 

What is the difference between Bigfoot and a smart blonde? 
There are confirmed sightings of Bigfoot. 

How do you drown a blonde? 
Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. 

What do you call a blonde with a balloon on each shoulder? 
Triplets. 

What was the blonde doing up in the tree? 
Raking leaves. 

Did you hear about the blonde who wanted personalized license plates? 
She changed her name to OZR 482. 

Did you hear about the blond. who was driving to Calgary and saw a sign that said "Clean Restrooms Ahead"? 
By the time she got there she had cleaned 74 -of them. 

Did you bear about the blond who went to the doctor and said "For all the good that suppository did, I might as well have shoved it up my ass." 

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? 
Fertilized. 

Why did God invent the orgasm? 
So blondes would know when to stop. 

A blonde took her baby to the doctor to get it's diaper rash checked. The doctor said, "That's the worst case of diaper rash I've ever seen. How often to you change the baby's diapers?" 
The blonde said, "well, the package says they're good for 12-14 pounds." 

Did you hear about the blonde that was so stupid that even the other blondes noticed? 

Did you hear about the brunette, the redhead, and the blonde sitting in the gynecologist's office? 
The brunette said that her baby was going to be a boy because she was on the bottom during sex, the redhead commented that her baby was going to be a girl because she was on top during sex. The blonde said "Does that mean I'm going to have puppies?" 

Did you hear about the blonde that flunked her driving test? 
Every time the car came to a stop she got in the back seat. 

Did you hear about the two blondes that drove to California? 
They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home. 

Why can't blondes be pharmacists? 
They can't get the bottle in the typewriter. 

What's the definition of eternity? 
Four blondes at a Four-way stop. 

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? 
An air pocket. 

What to you call a basement full of blondes? 
A whine cellar. 

How are blondes like rocks? 
You skip the flat ones. 

What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal? 
One is a busy ditch. 

What to you call a brunette and 2 blondes standing on the corner? 
Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks.

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